News of natural disasters has been hitting the media hard for the past two weeks... New Zealand itself, had issued 2 tsunami warning during this period... Besides, with movies such as 2012 (that depicts the world coming to an end on Dec 21, 2012, a prophecy of the Mayan legend) coming out soon, one could not help but wonder whether Armageddon is beyond grasp...
I will not lie, my faith had been slightly shaken as I grew up, sometimes I am even a little intimidated by the radicals and the judgmental in church. I no longer pride myself for having the faith of a child as I become more skeptical about a lot of things and happenings (i do blame that on 'critical thinking' training in tertiary level), and I find myself questioning the essence of my faith and the religions of the world.
Death, eternity, the Judgment Day... Never have I found the relevance of them, as I'm still young, not until recently, when all feels so near to me, as the realization of how small and meek I am, in this universe.
One thing that I never doubted, there is one true God almighty, who has always been faithful to me, and see me through it all.
Anyway, I decided that I needed to get a word from God, today, to help me clarify my doubts, and overcome my unbelief...
Woke up at 7 sharp, and went into the bathroom. Once again, my stupid building had not heated up the water yet and it was just impossible to shower and clean up using icy cold water, when the temperature of the day was 8 celcius degree. Knowing that the water would only start heating up at 9am, and that would mean missing the 8.45am service, I decided to go to the 11am service.
After drinking a glass of milk... my stomach turned so hard... and I ended up in the loo for more than 30 tortureous minutes... I kept telling myself that I got to get myself together no matter how, as I cannot miss church.
And this is when things change...
Heard of the saying 'We can plan our work, but God works our plans'?
After struggling through the stomach pain and putting on my facial routine, I just felt an urge - a tugging urge, to just sit down and have a quiet time, just me and Him, just us...
I have been neglecting my quiet time, other than praying before meals and before I sleep, my bible has only been active during sundays and church events.... T.T
Anyway, i turned on a hillsong album, picked up my bible, my notes, and started going through sermons taken down in the past... and it went on for more than an hour...
It has been so long since I felt excited, brimming with expectation, waiting upon the Word of the Lord...
The first message that realy struck me was...
'God is a still small voice' (1 Kings 19:9-12)
If we only look for God at big spectacular places, we might just miss Him in His own small ways.
We humans, always crave for a miracle, an event, something big, to have our faith reassured. We forget the still small voice, ringing in our hearts, telling us the answers we need but may tend to ignore....... And we complain God being unreal in our lives.....
IMAGE = I'm Ageing
Our image is what we become as we age.
There is no doubt that we live in a world that tries to be God, and many bow down to the image of the world.
So, we should stop following the culture, but create the CULTURE of a Kingdom Image!
Out of the many messages and bibles verses I have engaged in, I was liberated of my doubts.... as I read about submission to God...
God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Us, as humans, tend to be really proud. We believe we are intelligent creatures, self-dependent, and self-sufficent.
We forget what we have, our knowledge, our skills, our ability to see, touch, taste and learn, are all blessings from the creator. So none of our achievements belong to us... But rather, we were empowered by God and blessed with the means to achieve what we have.
The outcomes of our lack of humility come in many forms.
Firstly, we may face continued conflicts. Because we are proud, and not willing to LET GO of our need to be in control of the situation, we find ourselves keep falling back on the same conflict, unable to move on from there.
Secondly, we may be left with unanswered prayers. Not because He loves us less, but because we either don't pray or we are praying without believing in our own prayer or we are praying with wrong intentions.
Thirdly, we compromised our living, in which I often fell short for.
Fourthly, we lack divine fear, believing that we are invincible.
Armageddon or not, death or living, ETERNITY is our TRUE finish line.
Everything within our grasp, which we could see and feel, are all temporary. The time would come when all these will pass away, and we would be left with eternity. Where we want to spend our eternity, is solely our choice.
There are still many uncertainties and doubts, but I am willing to give myself and my Lord another chance, to know Him more in order to understand, to move from belief to an experience, to have a relationship of trust with Him.
I recommit myself to you, this day. Thank you Lord, for never giving up on me.